just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
