Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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