My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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