I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
be right there i have to get my cape
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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