remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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