Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
