Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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