Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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