she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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