i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
