i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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