Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize