What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
