Your tits are I can't wait for
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
