I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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