did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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