once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pants are for mortals
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
