in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
