I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize