fuck your aforementioned shoe
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All the doctor said was why
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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