I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
