Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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