I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
