I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
