C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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