I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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