why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
