So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
