sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
dude. I can hear the air.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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