Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
