Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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