and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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