I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
