what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
