the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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