My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize