the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Randomize