Your face is a jimmy john
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
