Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
