At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
