so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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