I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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