I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
