yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize