Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
false alarm, still single
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