Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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