ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
