apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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