I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
