thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
