I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize