I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
