i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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