Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
