I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
