I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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