So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
