the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
being pregnant is like rehab
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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