Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How does it feel to date your dad?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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