I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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