Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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