anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it penis luge time yet?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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