How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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