Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize