She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
