When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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