Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
