Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize