You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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