Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
