My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
