i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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