My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
