I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize