And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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