when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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