let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
