did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize