Swine flu is the new snow day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
