Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
