Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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