Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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