Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
