Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
