I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i think i just lost a toe
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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