I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
