Someone shit on the floor
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
