I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
