The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
