Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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