matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
