ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
