i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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