No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
there is glitter all over my balls
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
