Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize