went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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