So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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