"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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