Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
