The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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