Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Holy shit dude........stairs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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